Things to experience in Germany: #1 Oktoberfest

What better way to celebrate German reunification than to get completely tanked, then get all grab-butt with each other? Because we all know that Germans get all huggy and gropey when drunk. This is Oktoberfest, where the beer flows like wine, and the grandmas all make it a point to drink you into the ground, then stand over your body to call you a sissy boy.

"You twist the boot to avoid the air bubble... sissy."

Although this is the definitive German celebration, there is the fact that Andrew and fam don't drink, thereby missing what makes Oktoberfest, Oktoberfest. But all is not lost. You can take advantage of the season.

You can eat hearty German food of schweinsbraten, haxn, wurstel, and weisswurst. I don't know exactly what these are, but at least I know that they come from part of a pig. The word o' wisdom don't say you can't eat pork! Hooray.

Moreover, as scary as this might seem, you will be the most sober person in the country. You will have the clearest mind, kinda like Luke Wilson when he traveled into the future.

Or if you want, you can be totally uninhibited. Want to punch somebody? Sock him in the face! You don't want to wear clothes? Streak to your hearts content! How is all this possible? From what I hear, during Oktoberfest, public intoxication actually earns its citizens a small monetary reward. All it takes is to act the part.

If you need help, just remember, WWDSD, What would Donald Sutherland do?

Gut (G)Luck, Andrew. Germany Won't Know Hit 'Em.

Well, my brother Andrew's in Germany fulfilling his three year obligation to Army for paying his debt to the racket that USC calls its dental school. He's there already, with Shawna and the baby Ellie joining him next week sometime. He's a doctor, an officer, but certainly not a gentleman. No wonder Goebbels talked crap about his kind back in the day.

How is this not considered the master race?

I'm proud of him, though. He's half a world away, opening up his most ironic new chapter in his life's book. For a kid who never put up with authority figures (During Halloween, he once called out his high school campus security for impersonating an officer), he ends up in Army. Hooahh. At least he's the authority. All the grunts will have to salute him. Maybe he'll take it too far, abusing his power by punishing the cadets in new and interesting ways.

If Major Payne was German, the Nazi's probably would've won those freaking wars.

Y'all be sure to check out the link to his blog on my page if you want updates straight from the horses laptop.

As for Andrew, keep it up. I'm sure Germany will treat you well. It is the foremost authority on a plethora of subjects, which I will be touching on in 5 updates over the next 5 days (yes, I know. Updating my blog for the next five days will double the content that I've put on over the past 5 months.) So you got that to look forward to, which is nice.